i took a quarter of self defense in high school. every now and again i remember to hold my keys ready in case of attack, but most days, between juggling toddlers and groceries, it's a miracle i don't lock myself out altogether.
you know what does remain ingrained in my memory from that class long ago?
the ability to punch out candles.
i doubt i could punch a person without breaking my hand, but not only can i punch out a candle with my fist of fury, i can actually point it out with one finger.
(admit it, you have no idea what the junk i'm talking about.)
according to my gym teacher (who i wouldn't necessarily consider an authority--so there's that), the ability to punch out a candle through sheer will and air slicing is connected to proper punching form.
i don't know about that, but it makes for a fantastic party trick or apres-thanksgiving dinner dare when the in-laws doubt the veracity of your tale.
(if you want to be a doubting thomas--yeah, i said it--just ask jim: nailed it!)
we had a self defense demonstration at MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers), and i learned i could probably stand to be a bit more vigilant. strangely, would-be-attackers are not deterred by pointing and air punching!
it wouldn't hurt me to have a little holy fear in certain areas, but could someone please talk me out of the two irrational fears staking claims in my head space?
1. an open dishwasher. even since garden state
, i am paranoid about tripping over the dishwasher door and becoming a paraplegic. i think about this weekly. poor zach braff--and his mom! CRASH. good luck exploring the infinite abyss!2. john deere tractors. after that horrifying scene in mad men [i'm linking, but i wouldn't recommend watching. you've been warned.], they make me exceedingly nervous.
today, jim borrowed one from camp to pull out shrubs from the yard. he turned it off, pulled the parking break, and sat the kids up on it. they were as happy as could be, turning the steering wheel and waving at friends, but it was all i could do to keep from picturing bloodied clothes and mangled toes.
to summarize: i am fearless [except for those irrational fears].
bad: fear [see: irrational], dishwashers, tractors [for ad execs, moms].
good: candle-punching, garden state, mad men
, fear [see: holy], tractors [for toddlers, handy dads].the end.
