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we do lose things, as mothers.
i say that not to diminish the incredible blessings of motherhood, but like anything, there are trade-offs.
my body is not my own. my time is not my own. hell, i barely went to the bathroom by myself until two weeks ago when jim installed a lock. (thank you, sweet Lord Jesus.)
more than anything lately, i've wanted to pick out pretty summer clothes with a gift card i got for my birthday--in march--and maybe buy a bra not made for the nursing mom. (we are still nursing but nothing fits as this is the first time in four and a half years that i am not pregnant or breastfeeding a baby or pregnant and breastfeeding a toddler.)
but the mall is far and my kids are small and my husband works long and late, and i worry 'tis not to be. my not-best self sulks, "waaaaah, woe is me, i deserve blah blah blah," but i know that is a lie.
because who ever promised that life was about me--my needs, my feelings, my desires? certainly, there is a place for self-care (especially as moms), but there's also a place for "suck it up" and "pick up your cross and follow Jesus."
the way of self-denial, sacrifice, and humility. the way of give thanks in all circumstances. the way of suffering, loss, and finding ourselves not in motherhood or accomplishment or acceptance or anything but the very One who created us with purpose:
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. -Philippians 3:7-12so wearing gym shorts, a tee shirt, and my too-big bra, i look for grace in the losing. for joy in frustration and a perspective bigger than my selfish heart. i pray for eyes fixed outward and upward and thankfulness for what's gained in place of the bitterness of perceived loss.
and i press on.
shared with the gypsy mama (and like her, i took more than five minutes this friday) and alita's bigger picture moment. {image: Mike_tn}
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