what the doctor said

not much, really. the tests at the hospital all came back normal, which is really good news, but we still don't know quite what the problem is. the x-rays indicatated a little reflux, but that shouldn't cause the kind of vomiting she was experiencing. dylan's doctor said she's too little for reliable allergy testing, so we're just supposed to be cautious, which will be a lot easier once camp is over. thank you for all the prayers.

dylan drama notwithstanding, it has been a great summer. the staff has been fantastic; i've had few discipline issues and only a handful of homesick campers. (there were two today, however!) stuff at camp has been largely uneventful in the best possible ways, but i will still be thankful to wrap it up this weekend. final countdown (cue music): five days.

a little bit louder and a whole lot worse

after more sickness friday and sunday nights, yesterday was such a good day with dylan. she was happy and her eyes were bright. she took a good nap after breakfast and after lunch, and i got her in bed asleep at eight o'clock. perfect!

and then dylan woke up at ten-thirty and remained awake and angry until two. she got up at her normal time today and is currently yelling instead of napping in her crib.

the only thing that is making this bearable right now is knowing that camp ends on sunday. that, and watching gob's magic show montages on youtube set to the song "final countdown." hey, it's my day off.

ok, time to try again with the restless, angry one.

here i raise my ebenezer

this week i had bible studies with my counselors at the wetland on the observation deck with the frogs, blue heron, dragonflies, fish, bats, and birds. we read from joshua:

When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight."
So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."

So the Israelites did as Joshua commanded them...And they are there to this day. (Joshua 4:1-9)

before we started, i had the girls choose rocks from the creek, and we brought them with us to the observation deck. our rocks were for making an "ebenezer," a memorial to what God has done in our midst this summer. (ebenezer, which appears in the hymn "come thou fount," is found in scripture in 1 samuel 7. it means "stone of help.") we sat for a bit, reflecting in the not-quite-silent wetland and got up to pick a place for our ebenezer. each girl shared something she learned or how she saw God working in her life, and placed her stone on the ground. it was encouraging to hear all the ways in which they were challenged and changed by their ministry and service here. amidst all the frustrations of the past few weeks, i was blessed to be reminded of the bigger picture.

i'm trying so hard to keep that bigger picture in mind tonight, as dylan is upstairs, awake again and crying. last night was another late night of vomiting and much of tonight, our "night off" between camp sessions, has been spent singing and rocking and pleading with her to sleep. there is only one week left. one week!

a beautiful wreck

camp life is crazy--six days a week jim and i are pretty much on unless we're asleep. it's been an especially difficult month with dylan being sick and sleepless on top of all the normal camp demands. on a "normal" day, dylan is a super-easy baby; she's a good sleeper, a good eater, happy and playful. really, we've been spoiled. but there are so many variables, and when life happens, our easy baby is not so easy anymore.

dylan has been impossible to put to sleep lately. our little angel has become an obstinate little thing! we've spent hours battling with bedtimes, helplessly knowing that the situation deteriorates with each waking hour that passes. we've prayed and prayed and prayed and felt defeated, angry, and hopelessly frustrated. it hasn't been pretty.

after much protest, dylan slept long and deeply last night and is napping now, praise God. this morning i read this passage in 1 kings 8:56-61.

Praise be to the LORD, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses. May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us. May he turn our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations he gave our fathers. And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the LORD, be near to the LORD our God day and night, that he may uphold the cause of his servant and the cause of his people Israel according to each day's need, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God and that there is no other. But your hearts must be fully committed to the LORD our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.

God is so good, upholding the cause of his people according to each day's need, giving rest just as he promised. thank you for your faithfulness, mercy, and provision. forgive my lack of commitment, and turn my heart toward you, that i may walk with you this day.

random house

as i fool around online, jim is watching "america's got talent." i cannot, for the life of me, understand the allure, until, out of nowhere, a familiar voice croons:

"cuz i want it ALL, or NOTHING AT ALL!"

jim starts to laugh, fist-pumping with joy, and informs me that this song plays in its entirety at least once every season, and evidently tonight is that felicitous night.

so what's the song? if you don't know, you mustn't be a teeny-boppin', boy-band lovin', pop-culture trivia nerd like me, and clearly you weren't, like jim, best friends with

dan miller (second from right) of o town and mtv's "making the band." funny stuff.

His grace is sufficient

thank you to all who prayed for us and our trek to the hospital this morning. jim prayed with me before i got the baby up, and my mom prayed for us en route, and both were tremendous blessings.

dylan was such a trooper!

i nursed her last at midnight, got her up at 7 and took her to the hospital. we went to radiology around 8 where she had to drink a delicious bottle of barium sulfate so they could take x-ray images. she didn't like the machines much but was a champ about the thick, nasty barium bottle and having to wait until 9:45 to nurse. she was patient beyond belief. God is so good!

then dylan got blood taken in both arms and didn't even cry. that is nothing less than the all-sufficient grace of God. she just sat calmly, wide-eyed, soaking up the nurses, their tags, jewelry, and "flair." she slept in the car, we came home and nursed, and we both slept for a blissful two hours, (more than making up for the time between 4-5:45 am when neither of us slept!)

"...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" ( 2 cor 12:7-10).

unlike paul, i cannot say that i delight in hardship, persecution, or difficulty. i am a far more reluctant sufferer, more acquainted with silent resentment or out-loud complaint, as if i, unlike my Lord, ought somehow to be exempt from suffering. how incredible that even in my sinfulness and self-absorption, God still rests his power upon me and lavishes his grace and mercy as well. i mean, of course he does--that is the whole point of grace--that we don't earn it by good behavior. i pray, Lord, that my response to your grace would be humility, delight, and grace overflowing into the lives of those around me. Forgive me, Jesus, for my wallowing and whining.

as for the tests--we won't know anything until the doctor sends his report to the pediatrician. the tech said that there weren't any big red flags. there were signs of reflux, but she said that shouldn't have caused the kind of vomiting dylan experienced. hopefully we'll know more soon, but if everything checks out, we still might not know. we'll keep you posted. thanks for all the prayers--they were tangibly felt!

request for prayer

i'm taking dylan to the hospital this morning for an upper GI series to determine what has been causing her intermittent vomiting the last three weeks. (this is scheduled; she hasn't been sick since thursday since we've temporarily stopped solids.) they will do bloodwork among other things.

jim can't come because of work responsibilities, and i'm on my own. i'm not allowed to feed her beforehand and am feeling anxious. jim and i have some pretty nasty head colds and haven't been sleeping well, so i know this will probably be emotionally more than i am equipped for today. thankfully, God promises that his power is made perfect in weakness. weakness is about all i bring to the table this morning! please pray with us and for us today.

Jesus, mercy.

there's no food in your food!

as i made myself breakfast, i remembered an exchange with my sister that occurred when she was staying with us when dylan was a teeny tiny.

me: "do you want a toaster strudel?"

b: "a what?"

me: "a toaster strudel."

b: "no, i heard you, i just can't believe you have some in your house."

then later...

me: "do you want some juicy juice?"

b: "are you kidding? you eat more kid food than any adult i know!"

now, i don't think that's quite fair. for one, juicy juice is all-natural and has no added sugar. what's wrong with adults imbibing in said "kids' drink"? secondly, many of the adults bethany knows live in brooklyn and are of the, shall we say, hipster variety--people who consume things like soy crumbles and food that is sold with quotation marks around it, like buffalo "chicken" bites. i'm sure there are PLENTY of adults who eat way more kiddie fare than i do--they just may not live in her part of the borough.

and, well, i DO like kids' food. not just kids' food--i love whole grains and good cheese and wine and garlic and fruit and brussel sprouts and good salad and curry and sushi and steak and scallops and fish. i love food, and i love grown-up food, but i do enjoy my share of kiddie snacks. when i was pregnant, i got myself a kids' meal on the way home from work several times a week. i'm also an avid coupon clipper, so when snacks i like go on sale and i have a coupon, i get myself a goodie for the cupboard.

when bethany was still here, i bought fruit snacks, and we were both eating them in the car. she had the purple kind and i had the red kind. as a vegetarian/vegan, gelatin is off-limits to her, so she hadn't eaten a fruit snack in probably a decade, but after a cursory look at the ingredient list, she decided her pick was safe.

b, between bites: "it's weird that yours would have horse hooves and mine wouldn't."

me: "well, maybe yours has a little horse hooves."

bethany, pausing to re-scan the ingredients: "OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"