Breastfeeding, Baby Feeding & Learning to Heed Instincts

Thanks to Plum Organics for sponsoring my post about tips for baby feeding magic. What if you let baby choose what's for dinner? Check out their "Quest for Yum!" video and see what happens. 

Nothing feels quite so bad as having a sick child and being powerless to help her.

When Dylan was eight months old, she developed horrible food hypersensitivities. Like clockwork, two hours after eating solid foods she would begin vomiting, sometimes for hours. During the worst incidents, she became lethargic and pale, spit bile, and had to be hospitalized for dehydration.

The doctors and specialists had no idea what was wrong.

It's just a virus, they'd say. But that was extremely unlikely: after each incident, I'd exclusively breastfeed her for a few days, and she'd be fine. But whenever we fed her solids again, within two hours, she began vomiting again violently.

This happened for months. I made lists of trigger foods. Rice cereal was a common denominator, so we cut it, even though our pediatrician swore it wasn't the culprit. We saw improvements. Doctors claimed it couldn't be allergies. It's probably just a virus.

Why won't doctors admit when they don't know?

A G.I. specialist sent us home with a prescription for reflux and advice that didn't make sense in our context: supplement with formula.

Formula has the same amount of calories as breast milk without any of its immunity protections. I was a young first-time mom but knew enough to trust my instincts: my milk was exactly what my sick baby needed and the only surefire thing my baby was demonstrably able to digest. Supplementing could reduce demand, threaten my milk supply, and leave us even more desperate than we already were.

We didn't refill the prescription, kept breastfeeding, and stopped serving baby foods.

Breastfed babies under age one get all of their nutritional needs met in their mother's milk. Baby food is fun and introduces a world of learning, but it's not necessary. Many young babies are not ready for solid foods, and there's no need to rush it.

By the end of ten months, with time and prayer, Dylan's digestive system finally sorted itself out. She continued to get most of her calories through breastfeeding, and we offered table food as she showed interest. She ate asparagus and salmon and whatever else we were eating. Mealtimes became a pleasure again, and our little one began gaining weight.

Looking back and having done more reading, I now believe that Dylan suffered from FPIES, Food Protein-Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome, a condition that presents the symptoms she exhibited and is delay-triggered by foods including milk, soy, cereal grains (especially rice!), green beans, sweet potatoes, squash, poultry, and more. FPIES affects infants and young children and generally goes away with age. I wish I'd known about it during that difficult time.

We live and learn. With our second baby, James, we didn't rush things. We never offered baby cereals. (Babies can't even digest them.) I breastfed and offered whole foods. Easy foods I could mash with a fork were ideal, like avocados, bananas, and sweet potatoes. Foods he could feed himself worked well, too, like blueberries or pastured egg yokes.

The book Real Food for Mother and Baby: The Fertility Diet, Eating for Two, and Baby's First Foods helped me to realize that traditional infant feeding is baby-led, uncomplicated, and not something to push or stress over. Knowing that babies can get all the nutrients they need from breastfeeding takes much of the drama out of mealtimes and frees them up to be playful, pressure-free, and fun.

Edited to add: FED IS BEST, however that plays out. There's no one best feeding blueprint for every kid, parent, or family. This is merely my reflection on feeding my own sick babe that first year of motherhood.
 

I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. 
To learn more about Plum Organics, visit their Facebook page: Plum Organics.

sea legs

when dylan was almost a year old, i joined a mothers of preschoolers (MOPS) group at an area church.  i loved being mama to my sweet girl, but stay-at-home motherhood was achingly isolating, and i was thankful to have adult contact again.

the strange thing about MOPS, though, was that as nice as everyone was, i didn't feel quite in tune with other moms there.  everyone always talked about how crazy motherhood was, how overwhelmed and stressed they were, and how our meetings twice a month were this sanctuary in the storm.

i had no idea what they were talking about.

i'm not saying that dylan was an easy baby or that i took everything in stride.  although she was a charmer and a sociable little thing, dylan didn't sleep well and was very sick for a time.  nevertheless, life with one babe was pretty quiet.  we read and cuddled and played.  we took naps.  meeting her needs and even breastfeeding around the clock, i still found plenty of time to read, watch movies, or get things done at home.

today, a friend posted this old photo on facebook from way back then:

it was only two years ago, but i look like a baby in this shot.  people keep "liking" it on facebook, and it's cracking me up because i only wish i looked this dewy and fresh-faced today.  (although my hair is better now.  not this minute, mind you, but you get the point;)

and then it hit me:   

this is the face of a mother with only one child.

i don't feel all that in tune with her either, anymore.  back then, i was just dipping my toes in this motherhood thing.

now i'm in deep.

there are days that raising two feels like swimming against the undertow.  not waving but drowning.  a rogue wave that steals my breath and my suit and how the junk am i gonna make it back to my towel when my top is out to sea?

it's no secret that the learning curve for mothering two kids was not easy for me.  it still isn't.  i now understand what those manic mamas were feeling, who mothered more kids and older babes.

but it's not all chaos and crazy:  the plunge into mothering multiple children was icy, but the initial shock is wearing off.  in the unpredictable sea that is motherhood, playful surf-splashing and the giddy thrill of riding waves feature, too.

i'm discovering treasures in sand.  the shoreline may appear ordinary, but beach combing unearths uncommon beauty.  there is delight in what others dismiss as debris.

in the water, with time and practice, i'm learning the strokes.  the breathing rhythms, once awkward, are becoming natural.

it's only in the deep--feet up, head back, trusting and relaxed--that i know the weightless wonder of letting go.

linked up with melissa and emily.

when darkness falls

ever since dylan got sick this summer, she wakes pretty much every three hours at night. it's not our favorite, but she needs to gain weight, so i just keep nursing her and figure it's a season that won't last forever.

it just feels like it might, sometimes.

now that she's getting molars, dylan wakes even more frequently (or refuses to go to sleep altogether). she's is in a lot of pain, and the only thing that seems to comfort her is near-constant nursing all night long. awesome.

so, if you'd pray for our little peanut, it would be much appreciated. if i need to, i can get a nap when she does sometimes, but jim is running on empty. dylan could use healing and we could all use some peace and rest.

happy birthday, dylan!

my baby girl is one today! she has been holding up one finger, and so we've been telling her "that's right, dylan, you're ONE!" (her finger is pretty much a modified point, but whatever:)

her grandma, grandpa, and uncle josh are coming tomorrow to celebrate this milestone together. it really is hard to believe that it has been a year. we're so thankful for our little thanksgiving baby. here are some pictures chronicling dylan's first year:

i loved those naps!

best buddies

she looks like such a tiny doll!

getting stronger, learning to play

lovin' her sling

babe in a hat

this is dylan at seven months, the first day she said "mamma"

swingin'

out for a ride

dylan's second trip to nyc with aunt b

animal ears = awesome

first snow (there is more covering the ground today, but our neighbors were eager to get their sled on;)

at one, dylan says mama, daddy, baby, puppy, hi, bye, no, and "ducky." she can sign "all done" and repeats other words sometimes. she doesn't yet walk but is very active, mobile, and curious! dylan loves people and waves enthusiastically at everyone. (because of this, the grocery store might just be her favorite place) dylan is a happy, friendly baby who so far has no stranger anxiety. even though dylan can be fussy at home and fight us over sleep, it is such a blessing that she is almost always good when we are out. she loves to play games with daddy, knock anything over, and read books about animals. this morning in the car, green day was on the radio, and i looked in my mirrow and dylan was bouncing and waving her arms to the music.

dylan appears to be over her food issues, praise God! she had another vomiting episode a few weeks ago, but it was the only time in two months. i think she associates spoon-fed foods with sickness, so i can't get her to eat applesauce, oatmeal or anything pureed, but she is becoming more adept and adventurous in the self-feeding department. dylan will happily eat most anything as long as she is in charge:) i'm so thankful we made it to a year with nursing, especially since she had so many eating hurdles. we go to her doctor on monday and hopefully we'll learn that she's gained some good weight since last visit.

dylan elizabeth, you are an incredible gift and blessing, and we thank God for you, sweet baby girl.

recovering

my baby girl is under the weather. (this is a weird phrase, so i looked it up. it comes from when seasick sailors were confined below the deck, or "under the weather." now you know, and knowing is half the battle, after all;)

back to dylan. the good news--no vomiting, and she ate pears or squash five days in a row last week! God is so good. i know she is gaining weight, and this is all a huge answer to prayer. so no throwing up, but she is running a fever along with her little nose.

we went to a family wedding this weekend. it was lovely, and dylan got to be snuggled by lots and lots of family. i feel super neglectful and guilty though, because not once did i wash her hands, and now she is sick. but she's in good spirits, and medicine seems to be doing the trick.

now if i can just get her to take a nice, long, restorative nap...

mixed bag

dylan and i drove the hundred and forty-something mile roundtrip to children's yesterday so that she could have another upper GI series. the great news is that everything looked perfect. the doctor didn't even think reflux was any sort of concern. so that is wonderful...except something isn't perfect--something has been making her violently throw-up most all solid foods.

so we're happy, but also frustrated. feeding her is so scary, and in two months she'll be a year and really will need more nutition than i can provide through nursing. after almost three weeks of exclusive nursing (since her last two-day episode after only the tiniest bites of food), i took a deep breath and tried again with solids. like the last two times, dylan was extremely reluctant, because of course she can make the connection! it's sad because she used to love whatever food we put in front of her; she was the happiest, most cooperative eater.

dylan wasn't into it at all, but i managed to get her to eat three bites of pear, and she didn't get sick. baby steps and little victories:)

i really don't want to pray anymore that they'd find out what is wrong, because she's seen probably a dozen doctors, and everyone keeps saying everything looks great. i just want to pray that whatever is causing her illness will disappear, that she will grow out of it, gain weight, and learn to eat well again. i know we serve a God who is able to heal like that, and i pray that he is healing dylan and restoring her to health.

the party's over

we've had free internet courtesy of a wireless router mounted atop the barn and pointed the half mile uphill to the camp's offices. this backwoods set-up is, as one might imagine, pretty precarious. camp has decided to dump their unreliable set-up, thus ending our free ride.

as team paul shall now pay for our online privileges, this blog may be out of commission until next week. i only now realized (after i placed the order), that perhaps i should have waited until october when my stuff fast is over. my desire to consume is so deeply ingrained that weighing the pros and cons of the purchase wasn't even on my radar. bah!

i did manage to avoid consumer temptation today in the form of fast food as i left the doctor's office with dylan. it wouldn't have been a big deal, except i was running late this morning and left the house with only a nutrition bar in hand, so i was hungry. not planning ahead is my consumer downfall; it is so easy for me to succumb to take-out or drive-through when i haven't thought out my/our next meal.

this challenge has been good for our family in that regard. we've eaten good, leisurely dinners out on the deck for the last three nights, i've been trying and making up new recipes, and we've not not let any food go to waste. we've definitely been enjoying ourselves.

a praise: dylan's doctor said she looks great, although she hasn't gained any weight in the past few weeks, so we'll be watching/working on that. she is hopeful that dylan will outgrow these food issues and encouraged me to keep up with solids.

dylan used to happily eat anything i put in front of her, but ever since she started getting sick, she is wary of solids. she refused bananas twice this week but ate modest amounts of peaches today and yesterday. we are slowly making progress, and i am so thankful she kept it all down.

dylan was great at the doctor today. they pricked her to check for lead and iron, and she didn't even yelp. it looked more like a freaky ritual sacrifice than a medical procedure, as the nurse "milked" her little toe for blood samples and made a ridiculous mess. of course, dylan was barefoot, and i had to pull the car over on the way home after she pulled (chewed?) the bandage off and started making her own mess. fun times:)

long day's journey into night. and day. and night...

dylan vomited again on monday after lunch. when her stomach wouldn't settle after two hours of near-constant vomiting, we took her to the hospital. this episode had the same patterns of the previous seven bouts of incessant vomiting, but this time she has a temperature and diarrhea.

they gave dylan an IV to rehydrate her and took more x-rays, which again showed that everything appeared ok. after several hours, she calmed down and began to smile and talk. i nursed her, she seemed ok, and they were preparing to send us home when she got sick again and instead they sent us in an ambulance to children's hospital in pittsburgh. (the local hospital we were at no longer admits children, and they wanted her to see specialists.)

we got there at 11:30 pm and were ushered into their ER, where they took still more x-rays, and a few hours later she was admitted into a room. i nursed her and prepared to put her to bed when she got sick again. around 3:30 am we all tried to sleep a few hours, but one can only sleep so well in hospital chairs holding an infant attached to an IV.

the next day we saw allergists and other doctors and nurses. they are certain her vomiting was not caused by allergies because the types of food are so varied and they only sometimes triggered sickness. while it is good to know what is not making her sick (they also ruled out stress or anything i'm eating), we still have no idea what is wrong.

we need to see a doctor who specialized in gastrointestinal medicine, but inexplicably, they did not get us a consult, even though i started requesting one yesterday morning and several doctors and nurses promised to set it up. everyone that we dealt with at the hospital was really great--the nurses, the ER doctors and techs, the night doctor, the pediatrician, the allergists--everyone except the young day doctor who unfortunately was the one who held all the cards for dylan's care. she was most concerned about dylan's fever and was not at all concerned about what we were--getting to bottom of what caused the past six weeks of violent, inexplicable vomiting.

dylan's fever had broken, she was hydrated, but they wanted to keep us for another sleepless night so we could get a GI consult sometime today--but they couldn't promise when.

we were all exhausted. dylan had barely slept, we were wearing the same clothes that dylan had gotten sick on the night before, i still was wearing my contact lenses, and the idea of spending another whole day in that room waiting for a conversation with the GI doctors that they would not set up ahead of time didn't seem wise, when our little girl needed rest most of all.

so reluctantly and without answers, we left the hosptial last night at 10:30 pm, a day an a half after dylan started getting sick. we drove the hour and half back home and were all in bed by midnight. she got up twice to nurse, but otherwise we all slept until eleven this morning, and dylan (and jim) are having a nice long nap now.

we are thankful that she is sleeping and recovering. we are thankful to be home and showered. we are thankful for everyone who prayed for dylan and us. please continue to keep us in your prayers. we want our little girl to be healthy!

all is well, safely rest

campers left saturday, staff predominantly cleared out sunday, and monday was camp-free. (for me, not jim--the next few weeks are still extremely busy for him with outside groups coming to experience camp's adventure activities.)

dylan is sleeping happily again. the transformation was like night and day; for the first time in weeks she is going to bed without a fuss. i can put her into her crib, and she doesn't cry. this is the child i remember!

i am catching up on all the tasks that have fallen by the wayside around the house and yard after an entire summer of neglect, and life is starting to resume its normal rhythms. we got to worship back at our church on sunday after a long hiatus.

dylan ate carrots today (her first solid food since she last threw up a week and a half ago), and she kept it down--another praise! post-camp life agrees with us:)

what the doctor said

not much, really. the tests at the hospital all came back normal, which is really good news, but we still don't know quite what the problem is. the x-rays indicatated a little reflux, but that shouldn't cause the kind of vomiting she was experiencing. dylan's doctor said she's too little for reliable allergy testing, so we're just supposed to be cautious, which will be a lot easier once camp is over. thank you for all the prayers.

dylan drama notwithstanding, it has been a great summer. the staff has been fantastic; i've had few discipline issues and only a handful of homesick campers. (there were two today, however!) stuff at camp has been largely uneventful in the best possible ways, but i will still be thankful to wrap it up this weekend. final countdown (cue music): five days.

a little bit louder and a whole lot worse

after more sickness friday and sunday nights, yesterday was such a good day with dylan. she was happy and her eyes were bright. she took a good nap after breakfast and after lunch, and i got her in bed asleep at eight o'clock. perfect!

and then dylan woke up at ten-thirty and remained awake and angry until two. she got up at her normal time today and is currently yelling instead of napping in her crib.

the only thing that is making this bearable right now is knowing that camp ends on sunday. that, and watching gob's magic show montages on youtube set to the song "final countdown." hey, it's my day off.

ok, time to try again with the restless, angry one.

request for prayer

i'm taking dylan to the hospital this morning for an upper GI series to determine what has been causing her intermittent vomiting the last three weeks. (this is scheduled; she hasn't been sick since thursday since we've temporarily stopped solids.) they will do bloodwork among other things.

jim can't come because of work responsibilities, and i'm on my own. i'm not allowed to feed her beforehand and am feeling anxious. jim and i have some pretty nasty head colds and haven't been sleeping well, so i know this will probably be emotionally more than i am equipped for today. thankfully, God promises that his power is made perfect in weakness. weakness is about all i bring to the table this morning! please pray with us and for us today.

Jesus, mercy.

still sick...

dylan has not been sleeping well AT ALL, and today she was congested, which made her even less able to sleep. then tonight she started vomiting again! it wasn't as scary, because she wasn't throwing up stomach acid, but still no fun. basically, i think she was gagging on everything that was draining from her head all day, so i don't even know if it was related to the other incidents.

it's so frustrating. it's been two and a half weeks of poor sleep, intermittent vomiting, and now a cold. the more tired dylan is, the lighter she sleeps, and the more she resists. it feels like we're fighting a losing battle. i finally got her in bed a little bit ago, and it's eleven, although she did slept in my arms some. i pray she sleeps well tonight. her little body needs rest desperately!

a plot twist

after several weeks away, we were able to worship at st. michael's this morning, and i was glad to not be responsible for planning worship at camp. a double blessing.

we dropped dylan off in the nursery for what was only perhaps the third time. when jim picked her up, the woman who was providing child care informed jim that she'd had a snack of cereal puffs. bah! the doctor had told us not to give her any cereals or grains and to stay away from any multi-ingredient foods (until we figure out what was causing the hoarking.) we never thought to mention it at the nursery because the warning is still brand-new, but mostly we never imagined they'd give her food. she's primarily breastfed and eats pureed baby foods at home, but no snacks yet.

the ingredients included rice, oats, and wheat, and we both felt horrible, imagining an afternoon of more vomiting, on a day that is super stressful at work. we prayed and prayed, got her down for a nap, skipped lunch, and we were able to nap, too. (a good thing, since dylan had been up since 5 and was up last night as well.) she woke up happy, we woke up rested, and no vomiting, praise God!

so perhaps it's not an allergy? the vomiting seemed to indicate an intolerance, but it's still a big question mark. we'll visit her doctor tomorrow, and hopefully she'll have some wisdom. thank you to everyone who prayed for us and for dylan's health; she is back to her happy self, and enjoyed a happy weekend with her grammy, poppy, aunt christie, and cousin ristow. we just need to get her back on track with sleeping again!

mister yuck is mean

now that our emergency has subsided, i can look at the humor of yesterday. jim was out on the trail with trip camp, and his parents, sister, and our nephew were en route from nashville when dylan began vomiting. she threw up first in her bed, so i took her to the changing table to wash and change her. then dylan vomited all over it, and again i cleaned her up. i put her on the mat on the floor so i could change her sheets and crib bumper, and she got sick all over the foam mat. when i picked her up, she got sick again, soaking my tee shirt and jeans, messing the carpet, and hitting the shelves of the changing table. i peeled off all my dirty clothes, pulled on a steelers tee, and took my sad baby downstairs to call the pediatrician and look up online the ingredients of the product she'd eaten at lunch.

minutes into my call, jim's whole family arrived. nothing says "welcome" quite like a semi-clad daughter-in-law who is simultaneously occuppied with the phone, the computer, and her vomiting and increasingly lethargic baby.

aren't i the hostess?

as i headed out the to hospital, jim's sister, christie, was starting on the laundry because her 3 year-old had also gotten sick in the last minutes of their eleven hour car trip. all in all, it was a pretty yucky day for the whole team paul writ large, but i do feel as though i passed some sort of mommy initiation rite.

the young and the rice-less

dylan threw up monday, wednesday, and then again tonight. each incident occurred days apart, happened without a temperature, and she seemed otherwise pretty happy. we mentioned to the pediatrician on thursday morning that both time before she'd eaten rice cereal, but she dismissed that as an unlikely cause. dylan had, after all, been eating the cereal for several months without a problem.

dylan's doctor suggested laying off solids for a bit while she got rehydrated, and she hasn't had anything but breast milk since wednesday, but today at dinner, we tried again with the cereal and applesauce, thinking that it would be pretty bland and easy on her stomach. again, she made faces and didn't want to eat it, which is unlike her, because dylan likes to eat most anything. she only really had a few bites, and sure enough, an hour and a half later she was vomiting again.

i did an online search and came across a number of blogs and articles about babies not tolerating rice cereal, even if they'd taken to it before. even though it's billed as an easy first food and and unlikely allergen, there are a number of reports of babies getting sick after eating it.

i think the cereal is the likeliest culprit of her sickness. each time she threw up within two hours of eating the cereal, (mixed once with banana and twice with applesauce). what kind of bug would make an otherwise healthy, happy baby vomit monday morning, wednesday night, and saturday night, while seeming completely normal in between?

thankfully, dylan went right to sleep soon after getting sick. she woke up to nurse around ten and is back to sleep. hopefully all is well tomorrow on what will surely be a cereal-free day!